The Precious Scars

Instagram These two photos are hauntingly beautiful to me, for one reason.......I can clearly see Jonathan 's soul .  Been struggling for a year to catch a glimpse of my own, hoping to reconnect with an emotion responsible for a specific biochemical reaction .  Have been unsuccessful in my attempts......mainly because seeing depths to this degree is almost impossible to achieve.  Yet with Jonathan Scott , I fight time and again not to see his.  Happens only when his face is "naked"...........free of make-up and not pumped full of botox.  Stop myself short of seeing...........because to gaze upon a person in this manner is akin to peering right into the core of their being.  It's not something that has ever happened with a stranger............and because it's more intimate than sex alone, baring witness to it............without Jonathan 's knowledge or consent, feels like a violation against him somehow.  The only people who have the righ...

Well, this is pretty much the halfway point here......which means, there is an end in sight!  Yay!  Unfortunately Jonathan Scott makes a cameo in all articles to follow.....which leaves me feeling very apprehensive.  I really don't want to piss him off.  Seems like a nice guy.......but if he's anything like me, he won't be happy.  I wasn't......not until the end.  As important as the information in this blog is, I don't want to put my company at risk.        Remember the guy from my vision ?  My childhood best friend shared so many qualities, I believed it was him.......initially.  Our future came to a grinding halt when he became privy to a family secret.....and left, supposedly to protect me.  Made me his benefactor.....out of guilt.  He grew up rich.....but only recently learnt the "family fortune" is in the billions.  I don't want it.  I wanted him.  His love meant more to me than all the mone...

I do believe in a grand design.  I also believe in divine intervention.  Can't say I noticed anything out-of-the-ordinary because the moves were so subtle.  Only a more forceful move months later would cause me to question and reevaluate.....and persuade me to believe I was always being led. Curbed L.A. I did need to reach this house by April if I ever were to gain a clearer perspective on my situation.  I was weighing the pros and cons of having surgery to remove organs radically affecting the quality of my life.  Proceeding would create a whole host of new issues and likely only allow me 3-5 years life.  Doing nothing meant I might live almost 10 years, but I lived without companionship for nearly 25 because of it and chances were, that would not change.  Life without love isn't much of a life.  The first option would at the very least give me opportunities.      I would only receive this news third week of March, but thi...