In Search of the Mystic Within

I don't know what being a clairvoyant is like for anyone else.  For me, it's been a mixed bag.  Growing up, we were not encouraged to speak on the subject unless something unusual happened....and never to my father.  This often left me at odds.  An early education might have helped, but I was still in the dark on the basics until adulthood.  It was while attending a retreat at 23, I learnt I'm a so-called "trance" medium....which apparently was such a big deal the whole room fell silent.  I wanted to be part of a group where I could be myself, but in the end a man gliding out of me the same moment a dog bit me just further differentiated me.

Sister, Mom, Brother, Me

I like the heightened senses, hyper-cognition, and even the ability to detect patterns quickly.  I miss experiencing memory as indistinguishable from day-to-day living.  Instant recall, photographic memory, and interactions within but independent from remembrances were amongst the perks.  I remained ignorant of the fact my brain functions were aberrant until six blows to the head robbed me of this unique skill.  Don't know if there's an actual clinical name for it, but I refer to this method of recall as 3-D or LIVE memory.   

Setting out on a journey to rediscover my soul has not been as simple as retracing my steps.  Visualizing being at the bottom of a concrete well slowly climbing my way out has yielded no results because I'm not at the same point in my life I once was.  Nor has forcing myself to stare deeply into my eyes repeating the mantra, "You are so incredibly beautiful.".

Me at 7 years old

Problem is I can't actually recollect what my soul looked like.  I know I saw it and admired its beauty, but the part of me that might remember died in the accident.  I call this side "my twin who died so I could live" because without memories riddled with irrational fears and insecurities, I changed....completely. 

There is one key piece of information I did not know in those days.  As a Brahmin, I have a genetic predisposition towards mysticism.  Skilled mystics have the ability to manipulate and transform matter and energy.  I know this because I witnessed a Master Guru great-uncle alter his appearance from that of an old man to one 30 years his junior....and thought nothing more than I'd just been privy to the greatest magic illusion ever!  He took a keen interest in me; wanted me to remain in India to begin formal training, but my family said no.

I suspect I inadvertently tapped into something mystical, but without knowledge or intent, could not make it permanent.  I'm hoping with alot of hard work and sheer determination, I can access it again.....this time with lasting results.