The Awakening

March 22, 2018 was the day in which the events of A Banshee's Cry took place.  Precisely one year later, a couple of visions would spell the end of this particular leg of my journey.  Was to be born March 22, but an accident caused my mother to delivery me early.  I am exactly three years, two months, and two days older than Jonathan and Drew.  322 is said to be a sign of a powerful spiritual awakening. 

#ILoveJonathanScott

Drew Scott has a tendency to go a bit heavy with scented soaps.  Noticed this when I found myself trailing behind both him and Linda Phan, at a height level to his.  Thought I'd gone crazy.......until I learnt about the supernatural aspects of the twin flame phenomena.  Explained those times I glanced into a mirror......and saw Jonathan's eyes in place of my own.  This is one of many photos in which I can see my face in his. 

There were multiple occasions where I glimpsed outside.....and caught Jonathan standing at my patio doors.  First occurrence happened shortly after trying.....and failing to compose these tellings without the inclusion of the Property Brother name.  Room became dark; shadows indicated someone was in the yard.  Wasn't expecting anyone to be so close, with nose pressed against the window.....only a couple feet away.  I screamed.  I screamed because he was so life-like; solid......and staring at me. 

"I will die...so you find answers and one day live again."

~J.S. Schalla

Mom had a doppelganger.  Her name is Victoria.  Every time I see her, think for a split second "Mom's returned".  Then I cry.  Said something very cryptic the day she discovered her situation was terminal, "I'll die so one day you can live again".  Its meaning remained elusive for nearly two decades.

Following the event with my daughters, was diverted to yet another "Jonathan Scott" video.  Was a recording of a once LIVE chat session, on a program called Periscope.  Didn't argue or fight; figured whatever was pulling my strings was gonna' succeed at getting me to view this, sooner or later.  Made it easy.  I submitted......finally.

Your face is the portrait of your life:  your written history.  It is marked by the passage of time, your joys and laughter, and even your sorrows.  To try to conceal this, erases all you are and everything that went into making you from this world including those responsible for those lines and scars).  Don't hide the roadmap of your life away from the world.  It is your divine right to tell your unique story.  You are perfect just as you are. ~s

Have you ever noticed something strange about Jonathan's eyes?  There's a droop in one; hard to miss.  It's more-or-less present.......except in Brother vs. Brother, Season Six.  Can see it in the initial close-up shots, but in the retakes his eyes change; appear near identical to that boy who walked me down the aisle.....very Portuguese.

Now.....I may have ceased "actively" opposing this bizarre supernatural process, but in no way was I ready to sit around a campfire singing "Kumbaya" with Jonathan Scott!  He was my MORTAL ENEMY DAMN IT!  What was the Universe thinking making him King Midas and me the Cursed Child?!!!!  No.  Being "freaky-deeky" twins did not mitigate the grumblings, mumblings, and ass-kickings I subjected him to daily.....in my head.

Never saw the scar between Jonathan's eyes before this day.  It has significance for a great many reasons, enough to have me considering writing another biography.....one day.  Seeing it again awoke something inside me.....but it wasn't until I noticed the whiteness of his teeth, that everything suddenly broke wide open. 

Sometimes it's necessary to turn and look back 

in order to move forward.~s

Officially my mother died of esophageal cancer.  Unofficially she suffered from Hashimoto's Disease, an autoimmune disorder affecting the thyroid.......which I've been told was likely the culprit behind her early demise.  Problem is, doctors didn't diagnose it until eighteen years after her death.....when I brought it to their attention.

Took being on this psychedelic ride with Jonathan Scott.......seeing his freakishly white teeth, for me to piece together my own medical history.  Those times I was near the brink of death, I was in thyroid crisis.  18 specialists.....and not one picked up on the signs and symptoms of Myxedema Coma; was told I was a hypochondriac.  Because this went untreated for so long, it created a secondary condition known as PCOS.  It robbed me of my beauty, left me 250 pounds......unable to lose more than just a few even on the strictest of diets and exercise regiments.  Only time I was thin was when I saw my soul.  Noticed within hours, my pants were loose.  Lost 60 lbs. those first five weeks.  Went from 170-88 lbs. in a matter of months.  Maintained a weight of 135 lbs. for nearly three years.......until an infection following cosmetic surgery caused me to balloon to my present size; in less than five months.  Medicine has slowed the progression, but it cannot undo the damage......sustained over a period of 35 years.  The loss of my singing voice was the first sign there was a problem.

The people most affected by your loss are those in whom your life and contributions made the greatest impact.~s

Today is Mom's birthday.  She would have been 67 years old.  Never mentioned Grandpa had an unusual appetite for salt; safe bet he suffered from hyperthyroidism.  Is it a stretch to assume this organ could hold the key to our extraordinary abilities?  It's supposedly the centre for emotional balance.  Had Mom not insisted on Jonathan Scott being my muse......I wouldn't know any of this.  I would have died believing these chest palpitations were symptoms of menopause as the doctors suggested.....instead of a malfunctioning thyroid.  What does one say to a woman, who lost her life so young......in order to save theirs?

I love you, Mama.  Thank you for everything.  Happy Birthday.